Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain power and control over a partner. It can be physical, but also emotional, psychological, digital, financial, or sexual. It’s subtle, insidious, and affects millions of individuals each year. (Source)

Domestic violence is a complex issue that can manifest in different ways

It can be overt and visible, or it can be subtle and difficult to detect. Often it is the more subtle forms of abuse that are the most damaging due to their insidious nature and ability to avoid detection. This is why it is so important for loved ones to be aware of signs of abuse, as it is difficult to recognize.

Domestic violence is not always clear cut

It not only presents as physical violence, but also as psychological abuse, financial abuse, and many other forms. It can be fluid and confusing, transitioning from one type of abuse to another, sometimes crossing over in different manifestations.

Domestic violence does not necessitate physical violence

A person can be in an abusive household without ever being physically abused. Physical violence is NOT the threshold for identifying domestic violence. There are many forms of abuse that constitute domestic violence.

Domestic violence comes in many forms

The following are descriptions of abusive behavior patterns you may encounter or witness. All of these by themselves, or together, represent a domestic violence situation.

Recognizing Types of Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse involves exploiting another person’s vulnerabilities, insecurities, or character through a variety of damaging behaviors such as degradation, intimidation, manipulation, coercion, or control. (Source)

Summary of Emotional Abuse:

It’s important to recognize the serious and harmful impacts of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is frequently the precursor to all other forms of abuse and is more common than physical abuse.

Survivors of emotional abuse may experience a range of negative effects, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Emotional abuse is as damaging to a person’s well-being as the effects of physical abuse.

It’s crucial to approach survivors of emotional abuse with compassion and empathy, understanding that they may be struggling with deep emotional wounds that require care and healing. Victims of emotional abuse deserve to be heard, supported, and empowered to heal from the trauma they have experienced.

Signs of Emotional Abuse:

• Lowering their self-confidence by insulting, criticizing, publicly humiliating, or rejecting them
• Threatening or accusing with intention to cause emotional or physical harm or loss such as threatening to kill them, themselves, or both
• Gaslighting the survivor – the perpetrator will deny to the survivor the violence is happening at all
• Intentionally deceiving acts such as hiding objects and berating the survivor for losing them
• Consistently disregarding, ignoring, or neglecting their requests or needs
• Telling them they’re mentally unstable or incompetent
• Forcing or pressuring them to take drugs or alcohol
• Not allowing them to practice their religious beliefs or using religion as an excuse for abuse

Overcoming Emotional Abuse:

It is important to understand that someone experiencing emotional abuse may have internalized their trauma. This may result in them not feeling that they deserve to be helped, or may even make them hostile towards sympathy, empathy, or even kindness. You may feel offended or hurt, but it is important to know that they are not responding normally due to their circumstances. Emotional abuse can make accepting help very difficult for a survivor.

Your job is to remain consistent in your support of the individual experiencing abuse, and to continue helping them in the ways they accept. It may take time for them to feel ready for or worthy of help, and patience is key. It is most important that you maintain their trust and be there when they do reach out for help.

Professional help and guidance is always helpful and should be sought out. Outside perspectives can sometimes be taken more seriously by someone in a domestic violence situation. Free counseling and advocacy are available at most organizations that offer services to individuals experiencing domestic violence.

Controlling Behavior

Control may appear as caring at first, but is a pattern of actions or attitudes used by one partner to dominate, restrict, or regulate the autonomy of the other. It aims to limit the victim’s independence, decision-making, and sense of self, ultimately reinforcing the abuser’s authority and control within the relationship. (Source)

Summary of Controlling Behavior:

It’s important to recognize that domestic violence can start in seemingly healthy relationships and escalate over time. A common perception is that domestic violence starts with physical violence, but in many cases abuse starts in far more subtle ways. Controlling behaviors is a common starting point and early sign of abuse.

Clearly establishing and reaffirming to survivors that they have the right to set boundaries and prioritize their own safety and well-being is crucial to the healing journey.

Signs of Controlling Behavior:

• Monitoring their phone or not allowing them to make or receive phone calls/texts
• Frequently calling them to know where they are and what they are doing at all times
• Having final say over their clothing or hairstyle.
• Keeping tabs on the mileage of their car
• Not allowing them time or space of their own
• Making comments that insinuate they’re incapable of surviving without the abuser or on their own
• Using shared children against a survivor

Overcoming Controlling Behavior:

Overcoming controlling behavior begins with survivors recognizing their right to autonomy and personal safety. Setting and reinforcing personal boundaries is an important step in reclaiming independence. These boundaries may feel difficult to establish at first, especially after long periods of manipulation, but they are a powerful part of the healing process.

Professional support can also make a meaningful difference. Counselors, advocates, and support groups can help survivors rebuild confidence and learn strategies for safely asserting their needs. When children are involved, legal services may be necessary to protect parental rights and limit the abuser’s ability to use children as a means of control.

Financial Abuse

This form of abuse restricts access to money, credit, employment, and other basic financial tools to maintain control over the survivor. (Source)

Summary of Financial Abuse:

Financial abuse is a way to control an individual through manipulation of economic resources. While less commonly understood than other forms of abuse, financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping an individual trapped in an abusive relationship.

Survivors of financial abuse often face overwhelming challenges that result from the abuser not allowing them to work or access financial resources. This can make leaving the abusive relationship extremely difficult for victims, especially if they have children to provide for. The emotional abuse that accompanies financial abuse can leave victims feeling insecure and unsure of themselves, making it even harder to break free.

It’s important for these individuals to know that they are not alone and that there are resources available to help them become financially independent. By seeking support from trusted friends, family, and community organizations, survivors can take steps towards acquiring financial stability and safety.

Signs of Financial Abuse:

• Dictating the spending of all household money
• Preventing employment
• Causing them to lose a job through direct or indirect means
• Making large purchases without consent
• Taking out large loans or credit cards in the victim’s name
• Ruining credit through defaulted payments or evictions
• Putting assets such as vehicle titles, home mortgages, or other holdings only in the perpetrators name
• Denying access to bank accounts
• Keeping financial secrets or hidden accounts

Overcoming Financial Abuse:

Financial abuse is one of the most daunting factors when leaving a relationship. These forms of abuse can create long-term obstacles that make independent living a challenge. An individual may have had their credit score damaged so much that they are unable to purchase a vehicle, secure a loan, or buy a home. They may have gotten an eviction on their record that makes renting an apartment or home extremely difficult for years on end. There are many more examples.

While these are difficult challenges to overcome, many organizations offer financial coaching and recovery programs to help survivors of abuse. Trained professionals can help individuals grow their savings, find affordable housing, improve their credit score, settle outstanding debts, and more.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is any physically aggressive behavior, withholding of physical needs, indirect physically harmful behavior, or threat of physical abuse. (Source)

Summary of Physical Abuse:

Physical abuse is an extremely sensitive subject that should be approached with compassion, understanding, and care. Additionally, we call specific attention to the fact that domestic violence encompasses far more than just physical abuse. Emotional and financial abuse can be just as damaging to survivors, if not more so. It’s crucial to recognize the various forms that domestic violence can take in order to better support and help survivors. By recognizing the various forms that domestic violence can take, you can better equip yourself to address and prevent this pervasive issue.

However, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) we know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience physical violence from an intimate partner. It’s important to note that these statistics only account for reported cases, and many incidents of domestic violence go unreported.

Physical abuse is never acceptable, and if you or a loved one have experienced any form, please reach out to a trained professional today.

Signs of Physical Abuse:

• Hitting, choking, or slapping
• Threatening or hurting of children or pets
• Withholding food, sleep, healthcare, or money
• Destroying physical property
• Physical threats or restraining
• Locking a survivor in or out of the home or another space

Overcoming Physical Abuse:

Physical safety is the first priority: encourage safety planning and connection with shelters, law enforcement, or health professionals. Physical violence is the most dangerous precursor to a potentially life-threatening situation.

Additionally, the visibility of scars or bruises from physical violence may cause a survivor to self-isolate, fearing that those around them will see the after effects of the abuse, instilling fear, shame, embarrassment, or guilt in the survivor. Make sure to support the survivor in all circumstances.

Reproductive Coercion

Reproductive coercion is defined as threats or acts of violence against a partner’s reproductive health or reproductive decision-making as related to pregnancy and contraception. (Source)

Summary of Reproductive Coercion:

A person’s right to reproductive autonomy is one of the most intimate and important concepts in a relationship. This fundamental boundary can sometimes be violated in the context of domestic violence, and sometimes entirely erased. We consider it important to note here that marriage does not change an individual’s right to reproductive autonomy.

Signs of Reproductive Coercion:

• Pressuring, guilting, or shaming them to have children or not have children
• Forcing or sabotaging birth control
• Pressuring to get or avoid abortions
• Withholding finances for reproductive care
• Threatening over pregnancy outcomes
• Breaking or removing a condom during intercourse

Overcoming Reproductive Coercion:

Overcoming reproductive coercion begins with affirming a survivor’s right to make their own choices about their body and future. Talking with a trusted health care provider can be an important step, especially when safer, less detectable forms of contraception may be needed. Many providers can create private opportunities for conversation, even if an abusive partner insists on being present during appointments.

Legal advocates and support organizations can also help survivors understand their options, particularly in states with restrictive reproductive health laws. Having guidance from trained professionals allows survivors to navigate both medical and legal systems with greater safety and confidence.

Stalking

Persistent, unwanted attention that causes fear and invasion of privacy. (Source)

Summary of Stalking:

Stalking affects many people in the United States, with 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men experiencing it at some point in their lives. It is more than just unwanted attention. It is a pattern of behavior that creates fear, stress, and disruption in a survivor’s daily life. Stalking can include repeated following, monitoring, unwanted communication, or threats, and it often escalates over time if not addressed.

It is especially concerning that 81% of women who were stalked by a current or former partner also experienced physical assault. This highlights how stalking is often connected to other forms of abuse and should never be minimized or dismissed. Survivors may feel anxious, isolated, or unsafe in places where they once felt comfortable, which can deeply impact their overall well-being.

Recognizing stalking for what it is, an intentional form of control and intimidation, is the first step to responding. It underscores the need for victims to take stalking seriously and seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. With the right resources and safety planning, survivors can protect themselves and begin to regain a sense of security and independence.

Signs of Stalking:

• Following or watching
• Repeated calls, texts, or gifts
• Showing up uninvited to a home or workplace
• Tracking via tech or social media
• Manipulating other people to investigate the survivor’s life

Overcoming Stalking:

Although stalking can leave survivors feeling vulnerable, there are steps that can help restore safety and peace of mind. Developing a safety plan, documenting incidents, and seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals can reduce isolation and create a stronger network of protection.

Legal measures such as restraining orders, as well as guidance from law enforcement or victim advocates, may also help limit contact and hold the abuser accountable. Counseling and support groups can provide survivors with tools to manage the emotional impact of stalking and rebuild a sense of security. With the right resources and support, survivors can begin to regain control over their lives and move forward with confidence.